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Who is more suitable for grandma and grandma to help bring the baby? Young parents' attitude is the key.

2018-11-05 11:12. beijing evening news TF019

"Mom was born, grandma was raised, grandparents came to appreciate it." From time to time, this phrase became popular. Many people have the feeling that all the acquaintances, who need old people to bring their children at home, are mostly grandma help, but Grandma seldom shows up. Grandma seems to be a conventional rule of looking at children. "Why are they grandma now, not grandma?" This topic often causes heated debate on the Internet. Mothers, Granny and grandma feel deeply alike. The daughter-in-law complains about her mother-in-law, her grandmother cried out wrongfully, and grandma loves her daughter. It is a complex social problem that which elderly people bring their children.

Wu Wei cartography

Different living habits

Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are angry.

Xiao Wang is a new mother. After giving birth, her mother-in-law took the initiative to help her bring her children from her hometown. When they lived together, the relationship between Xiao Wang and her mother-in-law was very good. But when they lived under a roof, the smell of gunpowder grew strong. In fact, there is no sharp contradiction between them, but just because of their different habits and habits, the two people are getting worse. For example, when the mother-in-law cooks, she likes to do the same cleaning, cut up the dishes, wash up the kitchen knives and the chopping boards immediately, and use the spatula and hedge to get back to the original place. Basically, the food is served. The kitchen has not been touched. But Xiao Wang is quite the opposite. She will throw the used kitchenware all over the pool. The bottles of oil, salt, vinegar and vinegar will be left everywhere, and the cookers and lampblack machines are full of oil stains. Every time they finish cooking, the kitchen is in a mess. However, Xiao Wang is not lazy. She will make a thorough cleaning after dinner, and keep the kitchen clean. But her mother-in-law was very disgusted with her daughter-in-law's practice, and every time she tried to beat her up, it made Wang Wang feel very angry. "Why do I have to clean up the same thing?" I finally gathered together to clean up, did not delay anything? " Xiao Wang did not understand her mother-in-law's practice very much. A few arguments would lead to a war of words between her mother and daughter-in-law.

The same is true of shopping. There are many people in the mother-in-law's family, so they buy a lot of vegetables at once. They come to their sons' home and have a small population. A lot of potatoes that come back often sprout and no one eats. The cucumber finally rotted in the fridge. For this reason, her mother-in-law was seldom criticized by her daughter-in-law. Every time I saw my daughter-in-law buy a potato, a cucumber and a green onion, my mother-in-law could not help but nagging, "who can eat this order?" Even a dish is filled with discontent, so that people will not have enough to eat? In case of a guest in the house, where do people feel good about chopsticks? Aren't you asking for orders? " The mother-in-law's home should pay more attention to the cooking, and the cooking must be done. The rest is not important, but it must not be enough to eat. But little Wang's mother taught her how much to eat and how much to eat.

In short, life is full of these trivial, innocuous little things, but let the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law feel no longer able to get along. After seeing her grandson in Beijing for two months, her mother-in-law returned home with grievances. Xiao Wang took grandma to see the children. When grandma came, the tense atmosphere in the family vanished. The habits of the two women were almost the same. The odds of conflict were much lower. Even if there were occasional small frictions, they would not complain each other. Now, grandma has been helping Xiao Wang with more than half a year's children here. Grandpa and grandma will come to see the children in such festivals as May 1 and Mid Autumn Festival.

Grandma takes the lead everywhere.

The daughter-in-law feels cold.

Reporters interviewed a number of mothers, only a family is the parents in the help to see the children, the rest are grandma grandpa help. Almost all the reasons were unanimous: the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is hard to deal with. However, not all mothers and daughters in law can live in harmony. The leaves and her mother-in-law get along very happily. The parents in charge were not only responsible for taking care of the grandchildren, but also for all the housework. Even the water and electricity charges were paid to their young couples. They bought their own things for their grandchildren. They never paid their own money to their sons and daughters in law.

The mother-in-law is more loving to her little grandson, but the leaf feels that this kind of excessive love often makes things happen backfire. The mother-in-law always worried about the little grandson cold and wrapped the children up in layers. In the spring, when the children in the community were dressed in unlined clothes, grandma returned to her grandson to wear a cotton padded jacket. The result was that the child was sweating all over, and he had eczema all over again. In the kindergarten, three meals are served, and the recipes are studied by nutrition agencies, which can ensure a balanced diet and adequate nutrition every day. But the mother-in-law is always worried that the grandchildren will not have enough to eat, and they have to add two meals to their children every morning and evening. Even if the children say they have eaten, grandma will continue to feed the children.

Even more unacceptable to the leaves is that she always feels that her mother-in-law is fighting for the "sovereignty" of their children. The child ran towards her mother, but the grandmother took the first step to pick up the child. In the kindergarten, the activities of organizing parent-child activities were meant for mothers to play with their children, but if they did not let their grandmother take part, the Granny would be unhappy. Leaves themselves feel that grandma grabbed everything in front, giving her a lot less chance to strengthen her parent-child relationship with her baby. Therefore, even if the relationship between mother in law and daughter-in-law is very good, she always feels that her mother-in-law is bringing her child here, and she feels a touch of touch.

Do not want to help bring the baby?

Granny cried out wrongly.

When asked why grandma was bringing a child, many daughter-in-law would say that her mother-in-law would not help to bring her child, so she had to let her grandmother come. This argument has been attacked by many granny - "are we unwilling to take it or do you not want us to bring it?" Grandma said, "how can an old man not hurt his granddaughter?" As long as the physical condition allows, grandma is usually willing to help bring the children.

"Thankless!" When listening to a child's question, aunt Yang was angry. "That's my son's house, so I'm like an outsider at home and do everything I need to see the face of my daughter-in-law. I don't think I can do anything. Why do I still stay there?" Aunt Yang said she volunteered to see her grandson at first, but after seeing less than a month, she was forced to come back because of the contradiction of the total daughter-in-law.

"The girl who loves her is afraid that the girl is too tired to share with her." Yan Da Ma said that she came to Beijing to help her daughter with her children, and did not consider how tired it was. The son-in-law repeatedly asked for her hard work, and she refused. She felt that she had only such a precious daughter. It had been very hard for her to give birth to a child. She had to go to work to earn money at the end of her maternity leave. It was even more difficult. As for her mother-in-law's help, she didn't care.

"Children are family".

Grandma is too careful to bring her baby.

But all of them are left to grandma, not only for the elderly, but also for their overwork. In the traditional Chinese concept, both grandchildren and granddaughters are the children of the man's family. Grandma is always an outsider. So Grandpa and grandma bring their children, it is natural to think that this is "to bring their own children", but Grandma always has a "help others bring children" mentality. In this way, grandma was really terrified when she saw the children.

When Aunt Lu brought her daughter to the children, she was very worried all day, for fear that her child would be a bit lost. Many children can do things themselves, she has stopped. When going out, the child could not leave her vision for a second. The children scrambled to sit on the slide and swing, and she did not dare to let her granddaughter try it. She was afraid of something wrong and could not explain it to her family. When the daughter took her children to participate in the group activities, she found that the children were very timid. Other children were very happy to climb up and down, laughing and playing, but their children stood in front of the entertainment facilities. They were too afraid to raise their feet. They turned around and hugged grandma's legs and cried loudly.

[expert analysis]

No matter who comes to help.

Be thankful.

There is also a heated debate on whether the grandmother is watching the children or the grandmother watching the children. Bao Xiulan, a famous pediatrician, has also discussed this topic, which has attracted nearly 10000 netizens' comments. Bao Xiulan believes that the reason why grandma now brings more children than grandma is mainly due to three reasons: one is that grandma can bring children to avoid contradiction between mother and daughter-in-law. The two is the influence of grandma and grandma bringing the baby differently. The mother-in-law will teach the child to start calling "grandma, daddy, Grandpa" instead of mother's existence. Some of the more mother-in-law will compete with mom and mother because of the children's problems, and think that only children can take care of their children. Third, if the mother-in-law takes the baby, for the ordinary family, the mother-in-law is hoping that the mother can go to work after she gets out of the confinement, so that she can not only share the family economy, but also make her father easier. But Grandma's purpose is different from her. Grandma definitely wants to have more rest and help her body recover.

Yan Beibei, a two level psychological counsellor at the national level, said that the law did not stipulate that the elderly had the obligation to support their grandchildren. They took care of the third generation entirely because of their love for their children. It is hard to say whether the children should be brought by their grandmothers or grandmothers. But one thing needs to be clear: for young people who help their children to care for their children, whether they are granny or grandma, young people must be thankful, do not take the old people's expense for granted, and have more understanding and filial piety towards the elderly.

 

Source: Beijing evening news reporter: Dai Lili

Editor: TF019

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